Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Strange days are coming......

So, not so long ago, I decided it was time to quit smoking. 18 years of wear and tear on my respiratory system had finally clicked on the 60 watt in my head. I couldn't even make it up a flight of stairs at full tilt anymore without feeling as if my heart were about to leap out of my chest and die a slow twitching death in the nearest corner. I tried quite a few times, using quite a few methods, all to no avail. I tried cold turkey. Want to know why they call it cold turkey? Me too, because they should call it "hey just try it this way, the only possible way to torment yourself until you feel like sucking out your own eyeballs with a straw". Needless to say, didn't work. Then I tried the patch. That was a little step in the right direction, which also included a pretty wicked rash where the patch was applied. It did help cut down on the cravings, but I'm pretty sure that was a direct result of how distracted I was by the itch on my arm. Then, I got ballsy. I figured fuck it, no balls, no babies. I made an appointment with my doctor for Chantix. I'm not gonna say that they give this stuff out to people as if it were candy......but it was pretty damn easy to get the little "here's your key to freedom" prescription pad signed. He actually had it filled out and signed when he walked into the room. Seriously. So after a few questions that I'm pretty sure someone with the IQ of a pack of Marlboro Red Special Blends could answer(why do you want to quit smoking? really? duh), away I went to pick up my starter pack.

Here's a little foray into the knowledge woods real quick kids. Chantix works like this, in the simplest of terms. It blocks chemical receptors in your brain from being able to trigger the release of dopamine into your system from nicotine. Simply put, smoking doesn't really do shit for ya anymore other than make ya wonder why the hell you're doing it. The drug slowly builds up in your system and gradually reduces the effects of nicotine as it does. By day four of the first week, the one in which I could still smoke while the drug ramps itself up to full throttle down the highway of my head, I was only smoking half a cigarette at a time. Those of you know me know how good that is.

At the dawn of a new age I found myself, after so many years and attempts at quitting. I actually began to feel extremely confident of the journey I was about to start on. I was happy. Ecstatic would probably be a more apt description. I was 4 days into hopefully the final, successful method that would make me nicotine free.....then things started to get a little strange.....


  1. Good description of how it works. I didn't know before.

  2. I've thought about trying it, but considering my handfull of smokes when I drink, I don't know that it's worth it to bother.

    But, I'm proud of you and here's a pat on the back for ya.